Are You Offended?

Yes, I know. I told you that you could look for this post over the weekend, and you did not see it. Sometimes things in life do not work out on our schedules, and that is okay.

If you have been following my blog, you know that I am welcoming a guest blogger for the topic of being offended. I am excited to share his post with you because when it comes to the right attitude about being offended, he has it. Enjoy!

-DUG

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There is an awful lot of offensive behavior going on these days. There must be. Just look at all of the people that are being offended. It seems that everyday you can read a story about someone who was offended. It's terrible.

Let me, just for the record, send a message to all of those offended people:

Get over it!

Seriously, what does it actually mean to be offended? I looked it up. The first meaning pertains to sin or a violation of the moral code. The rest of the definitions were centered around doing something that was unpleasant. I noticed two key things in the actual definition of the word. First, to "offend" is primarily an action of the person undertaking the behavior. I have to DO something before you can be offended. Second, the behavior in question is subjective.

What does that mean? It means that my actions are the catalyst for being offended, but whether or not they are offensive is up to someone else.

I can do nothing to offend you. You can do nothing to offend me. The behavior, or words, or smells, or actions are only offensive if someone deems them to be offensive.

But, you say, people often do things with the intention of being offensive.

They certainly do...and the more offended you become by those people, the more power that you give to them.

Think of the most offensive thing someone could say to you.

Do you have it. It is already making you a little uncomfortable?

Now pretend I just said it to you. Are you offended? I only said it because you thought it was offensive.

If you are thinking clearly, there is no way you would give me or anyone else the power to control you that way. When someone says that they are offended, look at the offense in question. It will tell you more about that person than years of small talk.

The next time that you are about to cry out that you are offended, here is what you can do.

First, I have found that most people are not intentionally offensive. When you put that filter on most behavior, and realize that the interpretation of offensive is purely yours, the offense should go away.

Next, look at the source of the offense. In other words look at the offender. Was the offender trying to offend you? Most of the time, you will realize that the offender was not even trying to offend you. Instead, it was you who decided that the behavior was offensive. Then it was you who decided that it should make you angry (or sad or disappointed).

Now, here is the critical part. Do not let that "offense" have any power over you. Sure, you could nicely point out that the action is unpleasant and makes you uncomfortable. You could even draw a line in the sand and refuse to be around someone who commits that offense. Remember, though, that the very nature of offense is that it is your subjective judgement of someone else's behavior.

So...before you go and get all offended, take a look at your behavior. Who are you offending?

Hint, you are at least offending people who are offended by people who get offended.

Written by: "R" HUG

Reminder

Friends, we have what I think are some great posts coming up this week. In addition to my guest blogger, I have a three part story that one of you requested, a wonderful letter, an embarrassing story and more.

Right now I want to take a moment to remind you that the June/July Contest is still going on, so be sure to check out the details here to see how you can win.

Here are some photographs of that fabulous bag donated by Bonnie. Bonnie makes purses and totes and bags in many themes and beautiful designs, so please think of her the next time you want a creative gift for someone. Here is "Stars R Stripes" from three angles.

Check back tomorrow as I get back into the swing of things here at Words from DUG!

Thankful on Thursday - Bloggers

As you know, my baby blog is just about two and an half -- months, that is. So far it has been such fun helping her grow, yet, being new (or new again) to the blogosphere, I have been unsure of how to spread the word and grow my readership. There are a few people who have helped me spread the word a little bit, and I want to take today to thank them.

Dawn of Dawn's Learning Toys regularly shares my blog posts on Facebook and comments here often. Thank you, Dawn, for your support!

Jackie of Once Upon a Fairyland has a pretty good readership, and I asked her if she would not mind sharing my blog with her readers. She did! Thank you, Jackie, for giving my blog a shout out here.

Remember that I have a contest going through July 31st for referring new followers to my blog (and for commenting), so go check it out, and you might be the person to win one of the faaahbulous giveaways!

Not Offended Today

Sooooo...the "offended" post did not get added today, and that is okay. Hopefully no one who was waiting for it will be offended that I did not get it posted. Hehe. It turns out that I will be welcoming a guest blogger to tackle this topic, so it will be a treat for you and me. Be sure look for it this weekend!

Good, Old-Fashioned Manners

Manners. What happened to them? They are still out there, right? You occasionally see them as they make their way into life. However, have they become the ab-norm?

What are manners? Manners are ways of behaving with reference to polite standards, kindness and consideration from one person to another. Have you noticed that when someone shows basic manners, some people wonder, "What is wrong with you?" or "What are you trying to gain?"

Mind you, I am not talking about etiquette. I am not talking about keeping your elbows off of the table or using the right fork. I am talking about treating people with what should be common decency.

When is the last time that you received a thank you card for something that you did or for a gift that you gave? When was the last time that you sent one?

We sent a box of gifts to a family for an occasion. Not only did they not send a thank you note, they did not even acknowledge that they got them. What is up with that?

After our son's last birthday party, we sent thank you cards for each gift. Granted, he was two, so we "helped" him, yet even from an early age, we try to instill gratitude and appreciation as a basic foundation for his character.

As simple as it is, a thank you seems to be a lost manner in today's society.

People talking with food in their mouths bug me to no end. Oh, and when they spit food at the same time-- ugh. Gag. Really, I can wait eight seconds until you swallow that, thank you.

I cannot fathom why sometimes, when I am eating, and someone asks me a question, they seem to get annoyed that I wait until I swallow my food before I reply. Do we really need to be in such a hurry to talk that we cannot have the consideration to not show people our disgusting, chewed up mush -- and spit it on the table in front of them?

Oh, and do not get me started about people talking to me while they are chewing gum like a cow chewing its cud, complete with spittles squishing out. I know, I know; someone will probably get offended by me saying that, but it is just not polite. If you are offended, then you will be welcome to return tomorrow for my post about being offended.

Speaking of a lack of manners...cellular telephones. These little creations are a tool of rudeness for today's world. I went somewhere one time with a friend that was about a half an hour drive. A few minutes into the drive, she got on the telephone with another friend of hers and yakked about nothing important for almost the entire trip...with me sitting right there next to her with my jaw in my lap, astonished. Why was chit-chatting with that person on the other end of the cell phone more important than me, the person sitting right next to her?

Then there is texting. You know what I mean. Some people text all of the time. Have you been in the middle of a conversation with someone when they kept looking down to text with someone else? Did you wonder if your company was that boring?

Again, manners is simply behaving with politeness toward others. Are we raising our children to understand this? Our son knows to say please and thank you. He even says, "Please nicely." Hehe. He is two. It is cute. We are off to a good start.

As time goes on, though, will our son grow to be the kind of person who disrespects his elders or the kind of person who calls people "Ma'am" and "Sir" as a sign of respect? Will our son grow up to be the teenager who rolls his eyes and hurries past the woman struggling with a stroller, four bags of groceries and two more children in tow because she is in the way, or will he grow up to be the young man who holds the door for her and offers to help her carry those groceries? Will our son grow to be a self-centered product of today's society, or will he grow to be a loving, compassionate, respectful man of God -- dare I say, a man with manners?

No, I am not Little Miss Perfect. I sometimes forget a thank you card. I probably speak with food in my mouth from time to time. I may pass someone in need of help without "seeing" them. However, I will continue to make efforts to have manners, to have consideration, and to do for others when I can. I would rather that people wonder what I am up to because of my kindness than because of something else.

If my post today bothers you for any reason, then I accept that. We cannot all agree on everything. How about if we just shake hands and be friends, anyway. Just give me a minute here....

Why Blog?

Someone asked me why it is that I decided to start blogging.

Blogging:
Never had so many
had so much to say
to so few
about so little.

Why does anyone blog? I think that I have something to say. I like to talk. I like to share. Right? Hey, I am just being honest here.

Truthfully, though, I also like to encourage. I like to give people a laugh or some inspiration or just a smile. Those of you who know me know that I relish your comments. I know that comments are not important to a successful blog, yet what is a successful blog? Thousands of readers? Advertisers? Awards? Articles? To me, my success is felt when someone lets me know that they appreciate or enjoy something that I have posted. Simple, right? Why would it need to be more?

I could go off on a rabbit trail about success and defining what it is and how it is different for each of us, but I will not.

My baby brother told me about a t-shirt that he saw. My baby brother. That is kind of a joke in our family since he is almost thirty. Anyway, the t-shirt made me chuckle.

More people have read my t-shirt
than have read your blog.

That may very well be true, but I would like to hope that my blog has had a positive affect on more people than your t-shirt.

Happy Birthday, USA!

Today is our 234th birthday as a free nation. One nation. Under God. The United States of America. We celebrate with parades and fireworks and parties and all kinds of festivities. We certainly have fun with the 4th of July, yet we must remember to also take time to be thankful for exactly why we are celebrating this day -- Independence Day. We are so blessed.

Because I find this interesting, I want to share with you what John Adams, Vice President under George Washington and then President after him, said in a letter to his wife, Abigail:

"The Second Day of July 1776, will be the most memorable Epocha, in the History of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated, by succeeding Generations, as the great anniversary Festival. It ought to be commemorated, as the Day of Deliverance by solemn Acts of Devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with Pomp and Parade, with Shews, Games, Sports, Guns, Bells, Bonfires and Illuminations from one End of this Continent to the other from this Time forward forever more. You will think me transported with Enthusiasm but I am not. I am well aware of the Toil and Blood and Treasure, that it will cost Us to maintain this Declaration, and support and defend these States. Yet through all the Gloom I can see the Rays of ravishing Light and Glory. I can see that the End is more than worth all the Means. And that Posterity will tryumph in that Days Transaction, even altho We should rue it, which I trust in God We shall not." (The Book of Abigail and John: Selected Letters of the Adams Family, 1762-1784, Harvard University Press, 1975, 142)

Interesting, is it not? Our family celebrates each year with a big party on the Saturday before the 4th. Food, fireworks, family, friends, fun times. This year was no exception. Historically, the day was almost always observed and celebrated on July 4th. An exception was in 1779, when the 4th fell on a Sunday, and the holiday was celebrated on Monday, the 5th. Do you know why?

In 1791, the 4th of July Observance was first recorded as Independence Day. Do you know anything about that? If so, please share your history knowledge with the rest of us.

The United States Congress make July 4th an unpaid holiday for federal employees in 1870. Is that still the case?

There are soooo many interesting facts and events related to July 4th. Most importantly is what the day represents for us as a nation. My hope is that while participating in all of our various celebrations this past weekend, we as Americans all remembered to take the time to appreciate why we are here celebrating.

Back to us and our celebration, I started the day yesterday heading to march (ride) in a local Independence Day parade to honor veterans with my friend, the Mistress of Mayhem. We "Hatted" ladies certainly bring the fun with us wherever we go.


Next I headed home to meet up with my guys to finish getting ready for our annual party. This year was smaller than in previous years, yet there were quite a lot of events planned for the same night. No worries, though. If you know us, you know that we have fun no matter what. Hehe. Life is too good not to enjoy it.


With a few dozen friends, we ate, swam, took the boat out on the lake, ate more, shot off fireworks, ate more, visited for a while, and said, "Good night," to our last guests at about a quarter to one this morning. I do not even remember going to sleep, so it must have been quickly. Hehe.

Now it is actually the 4th. After a busy weekend of observances and festivities, I am looking forward to a relaxing evening with my guys. Happy Independence Day, My Friends, and GOD BLESS AMERICA!